


bitch, bastard, and dumbass

by filipofmounthonora



Series: Dungeons and Dumbasses [1]
Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen, just go check out baetrixv's fic please i love her au to death, kind of?????, reverse au, they Are in highschool..........
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-27 14:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19014703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filipofmounthonora/pseuds/filipofmounthonora
Summary: a reverse au drabble with no beginning or end but that's how it just is sometimes.(also this trio will be the end of me lmao)for minor context: please read baetrixv's fic "the danger of safety" lskdjlsdkslssdks





	bitch, bastard, and dumbass

“Ugh, _God_!” Sophie huffed, arms crossed as she flopped harshly onto Aric’s swivel chair. “I can’t believe Ms. Dovey said _no_!”

“I can,” the chair’s owner remarked. He flipped to the next page in his textbook, nonchalant as he reclined in the shade of his bed’s lower bunk, before giving Sophie a cool glare. “And don’t sit like that. You’ll ruin the back.”

“Do I _look_ like I care?” she snapped.

“Not particularly,” admitted Aric, turning back to his reading.

Sophie groaned loudly, and sunk even lower in her seat while her arms draped over the armrests and her legs stuck out stiffly. She rocked herself from side-to-side with her heel, as if the motion could swivel away the frustration.

“I still don’t get why she’s making me work with _them_ ,” she continued. “We _already_ said we _hate_ each other—what _other_ reason does she need?”

“Spare me the soliloquy,” Japeth grunted from the top bunk. For the past hour, he’d been trying to sort through the collection of old homework that Aric had built up over the years, and was starting to collect dust. From his tone, he was not succeeding.

He scoffed. “The _audacity_ of this bitch.”

There was a collective pause, a soft gasp from Aric, and the quiet clinking of coins and glass as he materialized the half-full Swear Jar from the space under his bed. He held it up close to Japeth, who sighed in resignation as he dug through the pockets of his hoodie and cargo shorts for a quarter.

“Who were you talking about: Sophie or Ms. Dovey?” Aric enquired as he watched the money drop into the Jar.

“You,” replied Japeth.

He scooted closer to the edge and held up a particularly dirtied, crumpled piece of paper: a crayon drawing of a stick figure and another, taller one. The corner with child’s signature was ripped off, leaving a poorly-written “AGE S”. Or it could’ve been a 5. It was probably a 5.

“This has been up here since _kindergarten,_ ” Japeth continued, flinging it at his friend—trying to, at least. The paper ended up launching feebly, doing a flimsy somersault before floating to the ground instead. “How did you even get it up here?”

“I probably climbed,” Aric shrugged. “There’s a ladder.”

“What? With your tiny baby legs and fear of heights? You were like, a whole one-foot-nothing back then,” Japeth mocked. “You used to sleep under the bed because _that_ —” he kicked his foot at the lower bunk “—was _too tall_ for you.”

"Oh my God, I remember that," Sophie cut in, not wanting to be left out. "It was a whole fuc—" She heard a cough and eyed Aric, who was already ready and prepared to wield the Swear Jar.

"A whole phase," she finished innocently.

Aric squinted at his two friends, his gaze sliding between them uncertainly.

“There’s a lot of space between the mattress and the floor,” he argued, slow and cautious, starting to consider the fact that maybe this was not a battle he would win. He took another long pause, the others curiously awaiting his next words like cats waiting to pounce.

Sophie even sat up straight for once.

“Plus,” Aric ventured, “sleeping on a hard surface is better for your back.”

Japeth and Sophie nodded solemnly, lips pursed in a way that suggested they were trying _extremely_ hard not to laugh.

“Fair enough,” Japeth admitted.

“I _guess_ ,” added Sophie, her face twitching into an unconvinced grimace.

Aric raised his book to cover his face, giving them both a quick scrutinizing glance over the top.

“Still doesn’t explain how you got up there,” Japeth said, hopping down to the floor to find the discarded crayon art.

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” said Sophie, starting to kick herself into a slow chair orbit. “Were you guys gonna let me finish talking or what?”

Japeth ignored her, getting on his hands and knees and peering under Aric’s bed. He swept his foot under it, checking for stray sheets of paper while Sophie continued talking anyway:

“So, like, after the test—”

“Beowulf?” interrupted Aric.

‘Yeah, shut up; I’m talking. Anyway, after the test and we were all supposed to group up like—Aric you _read_ the paper, right? I mean, what the fuck! A _hundred fifty_ spaces for a fucking game board—”

There was a loud smack and an offended grunt from Aric.

“Fuck off, I’m not giving you money,” scoffed Sophie.

“That’s _rude_ ”

“Okay, fine.” She snorted softly. “‘ _I’m sorry’_. Better?”

“Mmh. Not really.”

Japeth popped his head out from the bunk bed to see the Swear Jar reluctantly lowered to the floor. He stared at it for a moment. Then he slid back under.

“Whatever. Hundred fifty, my ass…,” Sophie mused. “So I was like, ‘That’s bullshit’—which it is—then _Agatha_ was like—” she coughed, voice turning to a high squeal, “‘ _Oh no_! We’ll have to meet after school! I’m so _busy_ and _important_ and I _totally_ have so much stuff to do now that I’m Vice-President! And _Rafal_ was like—”

“Damn, ‘Queen Serafina’ much?” Japeth guffawed, crawling out with paper balled up in his fist and a light coating of dust in his hair. “I swear, you only play as her to bitch about Agatha.”

“Well, _you’re_ one to talk, 'J _asper_ ’,” Sophie spat. “He’s _literally_ your self-insert.”

“He is _not,_ ” said Japeth indignantly, although there was a goading smirk on his face. “He’s _plenty_ different—”

“Having ‘magic flying snakes’ as a superpower is _not_ a personality trait!”

“S _cims,_ ” Aric corrected sternly, snapping his textbook shut. “They’re called scims. And I thought we agreed: ‘No Campaign Talk Outside Sessions.’”

The other two muttered in agreement.

Ever since Rhian and Japeth had spent time plotting together, and their characters (Rhydian, a mysterious but noble paladin, and Jasper, a malevolent sorcerer) turned out to be working together to overthrow Camelot’s rulers (Serafina’s allies and closest friends)—a twist even their DM, Aric, had no idea of—the players decided that _maybe_ it would be best if they didn’t have the opportunity to come up with campaign-shattering revelations.

“It’s not like I’m planning anything,” Japeth protested, dusting himself off so he could perch at the end of Aric’s bed.

“You better not be,” Sophie and Aric threatened in unison, knowing exactly _which_ twin to blame for the Camelot mess.

Then they realised something, and blinked at each other.

“Jinx,” Aric said quickly.

“Damnit,” cursed Sophie.

Aric raised the Swear Jar triumphantly. “Money.”

“Yeah, fuck you too,” Sophie grumbled, dropping a few more quarters into its gaping maw.

“We _all_ have to pay eventually,” Aric said primly.

Japeth nodded. “Ominous.”

“Not as ominous as Serafina’s knife ending up in Rhydian’s back,” Sophie countered, glowering darkly.

“You’re just mad because you can’t fake-date my brother anymore,” Japeth smirked.

Sophie’s cheeks flamed red. “ _NO_.”

“What? I’m just saying. You _obviously_ have a crush on him or something,” Japeth mumbled, getting quieter at the end.

“I _do not_!” Sophie sputtered.

“I mean,” Japeth drawled, a mischievous glint in his eye, “the date at that restaurant was adorable—what was it called again? Beauty and the Feast? The dialogue was cheesy at points but all in all…”

At this point, Sophie was rolling the swivel chair to the farthest corner from Japeth, her back turned towards him and her hands clamped over her ears while she let out a loud, drawn-out groan.

“Rhydian _was_ surprisingly suave,” continued Japeth, louder, clearly enjoying tormenting Sophie. “I didn’t know my brother had it in him. He’s kind of a dork, honestly. But Serafina was the _bigger_ surprise. I thought she was _just_ an airhead, but you, Sophie—”

“ _Shut uuup,_ ” she sighed.

“—you made me think that there really _was_ more to her Highness than I thought,” he finished, close to cackling. “She _really_ sounded like she was struggling to choose between her reputation and her heart. Almost like a certain _someone_ —”

“Okay, _fine_!” Sophie exclaimed, throwing up her hands. _Maybe_ I have a crush on Rhian. So _what_?” She frowned, eyebrows knitted while she tilted her head back to glare at upside-down Japeth.

He just shrugged, his expression surprisingly soft. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“I don’t know,” admitted Sophie.

“That’s fine, I guess.” Japeth’s mouth twitched. “You’d make a weird couple. Cute, but weird.”

“You think so,” Sophie said softly. “You really think he’d go out with _me._ ”

“Let’s put it down to a ‘maybe’.”

“What?” said Aric finally, grimacing in confusion.

“Sophie likes Rhian,” his friend explained. “Keep up.”

“Oh.”

Immediately Sophie bristled, spinning back around to face them. “I don’t get why it’s a big deal. Just fuck off. It’s none of your business.”

Rhian’s twin raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine,” she conceded, “maybe it’s _Japeth’s_ business.” She glared hard at him. “That doesn’t mean I want you talking to me about it. Or _anyone_ else. I swear to God, if you tell—”

“I won’t,” Japeth promised.

Sophie nodded.

The three of them lapsed into silence.

“I hope Rhian wouldn’t betray you to overthrow the government,” Aric murmured.

“In this economy? I’d probably help him,” snickered Sophie. “But I guess the betraying would suck, though.”

"Maybe we should restart the campaign...," Japeth considered, starting to climb back up the bunk-bed ladder. "I feel bad about it."

"That's a first," said Sophie.

"Oh, hush." Just for emphasis, Japeth kicked at her.

Aric smacked his foot away. “Don’t,” he warned, as the other boy reached the top. His disapproval only grew when Japeth swung around on the bedpost and hung precariously off the edge. “ _Do not_.”

Japeth didn’t care, locking his ankles together. “Hey, do you think I could hang off of this with just my feet?”

“No!”

“Nope. You should try it,” Sophie prodded.

“You’ll fall down and get hurt,” Aric worried.

Japeth shrugged. “No, I won’t.”

“ _Yes_ ” Aric insisted, even as Japeth fell back and smacked his spine against the bedpost with an audible thud.

Sophie winced. “Oof.”

“I’m fine,” the injured boy reassured, rubbing his back as he hung upside-down, not fine at all. “I told you I could do it.”

“You didn’t say shit, Spiderb—”

The bedpost started to creak.

Everyone froze, wide-eyed as they stared at the wood pole, waiting for it to do… something.

Then more creaking—although, from the way Aric’s nose scrunched up, it seemed not to come from the bed at all.

“Mami’s home,” he announced. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“Sure, why not?” Sophie shrugged.

“I’ll have to ask my mom, but…” Japeth pulled out his phone and started texting. “She says... it’s fine.”

“I guess I’ll go down and tell her,” Aric said, standing up.

“Yeah. Well, while you do that, I kind of have something to admit…,” Japeth began.

Aric glanced at Sophie. She shrugged again.

“What is it?” she asked.

Japeth smiled sheepishly, suspended by his ankles.

“I’m kind of stuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> no i don't know why aric has a bunk bed in his room even though hes an only child. just accept it.


End file.
